Promises and Hate

Can you believe it? Bloggingbrit told me he hates me. This was supposed to be OUR blog and yet how many posts has he done? Like, 10 at the most, maybe? Get your shit together and stop hating people. You say you've spent all this time fulfilling other people's requests, you know you can say NO to them right? You're not OBLIGATED to be so nice... obviously, you make girls cry!!

Please read this article found below and here:

Sunday, April 9, 2006 - Page updated at 12:00 AM
E-mail article Print view
Interpersonal Edge
Don't make promises that you can't keep
By Daneen Skube
Tribune Media Services
Q: I work in an extremely frenzied industry and just lost a promotion because my boss said I wasn't courteous enough. Specifically, he told me I take too long to return calls, make people wait over 15 minutes when we have meetings, and don't follow through on what I promise. Isn't he being unrealistic to expect me to do these things when every day is chaos?

A: No, your boss is recognizing that trust, integrity and respectful behavior are the foundation of a successful career. People believe you possess these qualities only when they see you voting with your feet, i.e., doing what you say you will.

In our hectic business lives, it's easy to try to make people happy by promising everyone we will do everything. However, when it comes time to deliver, no one is willing to accept our good intentions as a substitute for performance.

Ironically, you're probably in hot water with your boss because you're a really nice person. Most of my clients who overextend themselves are some of the kindest people I know.
They're also people who feel chronically harried, underappreciated and overworked.
Promising too much, like any bad habit, can be changed. The next time someone asks you to commit yourself to a meeting, a project, or an action, ask yourself the following:

1. If everything goes wrong today, will I still be able to do what I just promised?
2. Do I have enough information to know I can deliver what's being asked?
3. Are there factors outside my control that may prevent me from performing?
4. Do I have previous commitments that will interfere with this request?

One trick I teach many of my clients who over-promise is to hedge commitments with factors you know might interfere with performance. For instance, if you have a meeting scheduled during a time of day that's hectic, make it clear you're tentatively planning to meet but may need to reschedule.
In addition, if you default on a commitment, don't expect that your apology will fix the trust you just broke. Your future ability to keep your word will work better than any charming words.