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I never thought it'd be this hard when my Jacob moved. It seems like as time goes by I miss him more and it's not going away. I talk to him daily, at least a Hello or something. I find myself thinking about him a lot. I find no interest in any other guys, my mom thinks I should find a nice guy that's not a Marine (I'd like that too, eventually) but I'm really completely uninterested right now. He still has the necklace I made him...

The story was, I made him a necklace (like one of the hemp twisty knotted sort of one) and I was going to give it to him. But then we went to the mall and I got upset because he said he was going to be leaving in February (at the time that's when he thought he was getting out) and I was upset because I didn't want another person to leave me.... It was awkward for a little while as we walked around, we got in his truck on a rainy day like today and he said he was gonna take a nap and we were arguing over what we were going to do next. I wasn't going to give him the necklace... he was being grumpy and indecisive and frustrating. But after a while I took his hand and put the necklace in his hand (he was pretending to sleep) and closed his hand around it. He took his hand back and secretly looked at the necklace and then looked at me. He said he liked it and he was trying to hide that he liked it. He had trouble faking the grumpiness after that. He genuinely liked it. And he says he still has it hanging up in his room =]

I want something of his, or something made by him, to take with me everywhere I go. I realize I may have more feelings for him than I thought. I try to suppress my feelings, the affectionate feelings that make me feel attached to people. But Being away from him, the words he has said to me, I think it's true what I now believe i feel for him. GMW

Bloggingbrit will not be happy.

P.s. I feel great that I no longer have that "teen" word attached to the end of my name, but I'm sad that the waiter and the (embarrassing) Italian opera singer that sings for birthdays thought I was 15 or 16... Why do I look so much younger than my age?! It's unbelievably frustrating.

Two Songs

Two songs I haven't been able to get out of my head. The first has an amazing video someone made to go with the song. The second was the song played at the end of Twilight when Bella and Edward are dancing together at prom =]

Let Me Sign - Rob Pattinson



Flightless Bird/American Mouth - Iron & Wine

Employment

It's been well over a month since my last post (if we ignore the 'test' post of my cat, now deleted (the post, not the cat)), and a lot has happened. The main thing being I got a job!

I'm now working in another call centre. This time I'm actually on the telephones. It's odd that I've managed to avoid telephones during the last 5 years of me working in call centres, but prior to that I have had 6 years of telephone based call centre work, so I have plenty of experience.

There was a two week training session which I've just completed, and that is followed by a week of watching someone else work, then after that I do 'proper' work. Sometime in the near future I hope to progress and do some techie stuff on the phones, and after that, who knows, maybe more non-phone work!

Hope you got all that.

Finally Heard His Voice Again

I tried on some standard military issued glasses today, prescription ones both clear and tinted (two separate pairs) and my friend who had them kept wearing them and he looked so funny haha. I took some pictures.

Also, my Jacob called me today because I was texting him and he said he was going to a cabin and would lose cell reception up there, so he called and left me a short little voicemail saying hi and he missed me and he would be back on Sunday so he could talk to me then =]

I saved the message. It's been a while since I heard his voice. I miss him so much. Part of me feels like he never left, because we still text like we used to, except there are a lot of "I miss you" messages exchanged and him saying he misses our team (he still refers to it as "our" team even though he doesn't play on it anymore since he moved). So the texting is basically the same, but it's hard not being able to see him and throw my arms around him and climb on his back, or to have him point to his cheek and lean his face towards me, requesting kisses. Or him singing to me in the car. Or what he did which I found really adorable is whenever we would lay together (just cuddling) he would always lift the bottom of our shirts a little so our skin was touching. Like we watched a movie once and I was laying on top of his back while he lied on the couch on his stomach, and he lifted up the back of his shirt and the front of mine a little so my bare skin was against his. It was comforting I think to feel that a little bit, and I miss it now.

Why am I saying all this? I don't know. I don't hate thinking about him, I love thinking about him, he makes me happy. And I don't mind being sad, because it's a different kind of sad than I've felt with boyfriends dumping me. Jacob left with us on a good note. He told me last night he wants to come fly back out already, but he can't afford it yet. Possibly spring break or summer though. Funny thing is, when people used to asked me where I wanted to transfer to after 2 years at this college I'm at now, I said "somewhere cold, with hockey, like Minnesota" and now I have a reason to go there. I wish I could at least see him once a month, or just for my birthday!! I'd be so happy. Heyyy!! Maybe we can plan on seeing Eclipse (3rd book from the Twilight Saga) when it comes out in June =] Make it a little tradition now to see all the Twilight movies together. He is my Jacob after all. Except if I were Bella, I'd probably pick Jacob, not Edward.

My Jacob really was pretty cool. He had adorable quirks, and now he's gone I find I have inherited some of his quirkiness into me, probably because it reminds me of him and makes me happy. Just little expressions he always used, the way he says certain things. I am exhibiting some of his personality traits now, but just the little things. I keep a picture of him in my car on my dashboard (don't worry, it's not obstructing any important gauges, just the gas gauge, but I have a setting on my ODO/TRIP thingy that says how many miles of gas I have left. Actually easier to keep track of than the gas gauge itself!!) so I can have something pleasant to look at when I'm driving and stuck in traffic.

ALRIGHT!! I'LL SHUT UP!! I'm sure Bloggingbrit is angry by now if he has even gotten this far. He doesn't like it when I ramble on like that.. Sorry!!

Oh final note... Jack Johnson was interviewed in the Olympic Opening Ceremonies!! He is the Men's Team U.S.A. Olympic Hockey Team representative!! I love you JMFJ!! Haha.

Not to mention I had an oddly comforting dream about Ryan Miller (hopefully our starting goalie for Team USA's hockey team) and Rob Pattinson (not together in the same dream, but right after one another). I can't remember all the details now, but I know I woke up feeling warm and happy inside. It was comforting.

Neat Video, Inside a Cell

I had my two early classes this morning and my Biology professor showed the class this video. It's pretty cool and I like the music in it. Like he said, if after you watch this you still DON'T want to be a cell biologist, there's something wrong with you haha. Check it out, it's pretty awesome (though I am a science nerd so my opinion is of course biased =])

Dunno

Alright it's been a while since I posted. Over a week. I've been sad dealing with not having my Jacob around.

I got to talk to Bloggingbrit today... well he mumbled and I apparently shouted (though I wasn't really shouting) and I forgot how much he sounds like a speedway guy I know. I was giggling. Oh yeah I have to remember to call him at 10:30 to make sure he is up... that is if I'm still up haha. I should be.

Anyway, that's my small little post. I don't know how long the cat picture would have been up there if I didn't post =P