20

I never thought it'd be this hard when my Jacob moved. It seems like as time goes by I miss him more and it's not going away. I talk to him daily, at least a Hello or something. I find myself thinking about him a lot. I find no interest in any other guys, my mom thinks I should find a nice guy that's not a Marine (I'd like that too, eventually) but I'm really completely uninterested right now. He still has the necklace I made him...

The story was, I made him a necklace (like one of the hemp twisty knotted sort of one) and I was going to give it to him. But then we went to the mall and I got upset because he said he was going to be leaving in February (at the time that's when he thought he was getting out) and I was upset because I didn't want another person to leave me.... It was awkward for a little while as we walked around, we got in his truck on a rainy day like today and he said he was gonna take a nap and we were arguing over what we were going to do next. I wasn't going to give him the necklace... he was being grumpy and indecisive and frustrating. But after a while I took his hand and put the necklace in his hand (he was pretending to sleep) and closed his hand around it. He took his hand back and secretly looked at the necklace and then looked at me. He said he liked it and he was trying to hide that he liked it. He had trouble faking the grumpiness after that. He genuinely liked it. And he says he still has it hanging up in his room =]

I want something of his, or something made by him, to take with me everywhere I go. I realize I may have more feelings for him than I thought. I try to suppress my feelings, the affectionate feelings that make me feel attached to people. But Being away from him, the words he has said to me, I think it's true what I now believe i feel for him. GMW

Bloggingbrit will not be happy.

P.s. I feel great that I no longer have that "teen" word attached to the end of my name, but I'm sad that the waiter and the (embarrassing) Italian opera singer that sings for birthdays thought I was 15 or 16... Why do I look so much younger than my age?! It's unbelievably frustrating.