My Edward and my Jacob

Interesting day today. I ended up going to play a little hockey today after work. I knew my Edward was there, he bought my sticker. But as I was walking to the door to step out onto the ice, I saw my Jacob right in front of me. "Ohhhhhh no," I thought to myself. I think I actually said "what the fuck?" to myself aloud. I knew this was going to be a fun 2 hours trapped on the ice with both boys. No doubt due to my intense interest in Twilight and New Moon lately I was having a lot of trouble keeping away from my Jacob while my Edward was there with me. But he was in the middle of a pickup half-ice and I didn't fit right in there... and Jacob was alone on the other end of the ice... So I went to Jacob.

He hadn't come to our game the other night when he said he would be there, so that gave me reason to talk to him and question him. He was being his usual unusual self. I took the puck from him a few times, tried to get him to pass with me or something but he likes working alone sort of. I tried to tell him about my goal, and when he told me he still wouldn't have scored it made me realize he's had a few assists and a lot of "almost" goals, but I don't think he has any more than I do. I wanted to straight up call him Jacob, or Jake. I know he would understand exactly what I was referring to. It was in fact him that got me into it in the first place.

I didn't really talk to him much after that. Edward had an eye out for him. And Jacob for Edward. But I must be honest that it really made my evening having Jacob there. I mean, I love Edward, but doing all this reading, and my previous posts have mentioned that right now I'm sort of living a life like Bella. I was talking to someone last night and they called me [Dewi]bell... Bloggingbrit knows my first name, so just add "bell" to the end of it. Being called that made me smile a little bit.

I've already decided I'm on my quest for my own Edward, my own Jacob. A mix of the two. I like Jacob's look, his strength, his happiness and his warmth. The warmth especially. I also love Edwards loving and nurturing personality. Both boys are protective, but the fact that Edward disappears and leaves and takes all remnants of his presence with him, that bothers me a lot. I would end up hurt and in pain exactly like Bella if he had done that to me, I wouldn't be able to deal with it. At least Jacob always comes back to apologize, and he keeps his promises to stay, and be her friend.

When I was stopping by the snack bar to say hello to a classmate I saw in there, Jacob was coming out the single door and I had to squeeze right by him. I didn't realize he was coming out until I was chest-to-chest with him in the door jamb. If I had seen him exiting beforehand I would have waited so I wouldn't run into him with Edward standing so close by.

During the drive home, I realized I was wearing my "lucky" necklace. So far every time I've worn it to the rink something ironic, or exciting, or just something that put a smile on my face for more than a brief second happened. Of course it is a Quileute, Jacob Black symbol, which I believe I'm leaning more towards in the first place.

I'm getting a little sad though, even though my life this past month has been like a Twilight and New Moon nightmare in a good way I guess, because I'm coming to the end of my New Moon book. I'm afraid to finish it because I won't be able to afford to buy the 3rd book, Eclipse, until Saturday at the earliest, unless I get a lot of cash for Christmas. I know I will definitely finish the book before then, and I want to finish the book, but I will have nothing to being on afterward. And reading these books is the only thing that is keeping me upbeat, and looking forward to things, anything, hoping to run across more coincidences, so reading it is great! And I can't wait to start on the next book. But if I finish too early, I won't have anything left to do and nothing to keep me smiling and dreaming, at least nothing to actually read and keep my mind off things.

I have been afraid to go to sleep lately, because I'm afraid of those horrid dreams I get occasionally about whatever guy I'm with. Like Bella, I wake up feeling sick, I'm surprised I don't scream at night. But ever since I started reading and find myself becoming more like Bella, and I look forward to my more frequent dreamless nights. I wake up, sure I had dreams, but I cannot remember a single thing I probably dreamt about, and it feels good. Of course I'd love to dream pleasant things about Jacob, mine or the Quileute it doesn't matter, as long as it leaves me feeling good and smiling when I wake up. As for now, I'm enjoying my dreamless nights. I know what Bloggingbrit feels like now. And just so you know Brit, take advantage of your dreamless nights because you never know when you will begin to dream those nightmares.

Bottom line... I can't wait for the new semester to start. It's a new start, in new classes, with new people. It all starts in January, like Bella's new start in Forks.