66% Missing

66% of my friends have left me. It's sad. I've been extremely close to all of them. I only have 1 left. And he moves the first day of June. I feel like little pieces of me are getting ripped apart and scattered across the country. I now have the ability (and will probably have the ability for a long time) to burst into tears at any moment. It'll be even worse when my last friend leaves, I've know him the longest. At least I know he might come back. I know he will always stay in contact with me. And unfortunately. I'm not sure what to feel or how to feel. I just don't like how I feel right now. I met someone who makes me feel better when I'm with him. But not when I'm away from him. I'm sort of numb. It's going to take a while to get back into things I guess. I don't know what the point of this post is. Sorry.

Stupid Spring

The weather here is going crazy. Hot, cold, hot, cold. It's spring now too and I thought my allergies were acting up (but I never have allergies!!) and now its a full-blown cold. Ughh, I am the worst sick person ever. I suck at being sick. It's the biggest annoyance in the world.

Our lab today included a 90 minute incubation period where we had absolutely nothing to do so the professor let us all go get lunch. I ran into a a few friends, my lab partner and I went down to the cafeteria together. My firing range friend was there, it was so good to see him. Technically he saw me first and my eyes just lit up and I smiled and hugged him. It had been a long time. The three of us (me, the firing range friend, and my lab partner) ate together, and then we went back to lab and finished.

I have work today, not fun when you're sick. I'm gonna use up the second half of that roll of toilet paper I started on Friday. I need to do something that involves keeping my head up though, when I look down my nose starts to run =/

Sunday should be an adventure. I'm going to the place where my high school was named after. I've lived here for 17 years and I have yet to see it.

Not Much to Say

I figured I might as well post. It's been a while. Stressful week but not as bad as the other week. Planning on seeing Shutter Island on Thursday evening, I've heard mixed reviews, I guess I'll find out. It was extremely windy today, it was fun, though I didn't really get to be out in it very much. I honestly do not have a lot to say right now. I'm kind of feeling indifferent about a lot of things. I'll just say goodnight. Goodnight

3 Important People for Life

So after what I account to be one of the worst (if not the worst) weeks of my life. Computer broke and had to get a new one. Too much homework to keep up with. Late shift at work. Little sleep. And my Jacob telling me he has to "let me go" because he thinks I'm seeing my ex again because I had called him (my ex) and he won't listen when I say it's only because I need to get my things back that he had. Oh and not to mention a dentist appointment where they said I need a filling, what a surprise. Honestly I don't know how many teeth I have left to even fill....

Then last night things started to change a little. My dad bought me a new laptop which I have a year and a half to pay him interest free. We went to my favorite restaurant for dinner. This morning I woke up dark and early (the sun wasn't up yet so it couldn't have been bright and early) to play some pickup hockey and I played against my NEW (yet I think he has always been) favorite Marine =]

Most of the time we spent harassing each other, hitting and light checking. We were all having some fun. I didn't like it though when my ex was there on my team and I was on the ice with him and my brother (who is my favorite Marine, Bloggingbrit would understand) and I look over at my ex just in time to see him chest-to-chest pushing and shoving my brother. I stopped on the ice and just watched at my brother, who is bigger than my ex, stand there and just fend off my ex while my ex still tried to sort of tackle him. He said that my brother elbowed him but it clearly did not look like that to me.

After pickup my brother caught me and checked me (he was still in full gear, I was already dressed out) into the outside of the boards and glass and held me there. My entire body (including my face) was smooshed against the glass while he held me there. It's become a routine now every time he sees me he has to playfully check me into the glass and hold me there.

A little while later at the rink, the 16AAA travel hockey teams were there playing and one game was with the Jr. Kings. I was standing around watching all the parents and coaches when one guy stuck out from all the rest. It was Kopitar's dad!! I had forgotten that he coaches the Jr. Kings and I saw him right there, in my rink!! I was in shock and I still am.

I've decided that out of everyone I know, there are only 3 people that I really care about, that I always love getting attention from. They are supportive and want me to do well, and have always been there for me. These are the guys I really believe I can love and not worry about my heart being broken. No matter how often I see them, whether it be weekly, annually, or even never, They are people I really look up to. They are what I really want from a guy eventually. They are really great guys, and for whatever girl they have or will end up with, they have/are getting one of the best guys in the world.

One of these guys is my cousin, he is cool and I can easily say he is my favorite family member. But I rarely get to see him. Once a year if I'm lucky.

The other is who I consider my brother. He is always doing really nice things for his wife, he is so caring and loving. He doesn't gamble, and he doesn't drink. I get to see him every week for the past year and a half until sometime this summer when he is being re-stationed. I'll miss him so much. He is encouraging and playful with me, and no one else could ever be like him, or his family =] He gives me all the physical attention I need each week in a brotherly type of way. Yes I have a crush on him, and I'm pretty sure he knows that, which might partially be why he is a little attached to me as well. He knows I have a little crush and he probably things it's cute.

The third one I'm afraid I'll never get to meet. No matter how mad I can make him sometimes (by accident, I don't mean to upset him), he never threatens to leave me (except once!! grrr) and I fell like I can tell him anything and everything (which is sometimes why I make him mad). He shares this blog with me =]

Final note, it's getting very very dark and cloudy here, the wind is whipping, and the storm is coming. I like it when it rains. My week is turning around finally and the only people that have enough influence over me to make me happy even if its for a little section of time are the people I've mentioned above. I love these guys. And I'm glad to know them. I'm very proud to have them. I don't think I'd be where I am today without them

20

I never thought it'd be this hard when my Jacob moved. It seems like as time goes by I miss him more and it's not going away. I talk to him daily, at least a Hello or something. I find myself thinking about him a lot. I find no interest in any other guys, my mom thinks I should find a nice guy that's not a Marine (I'd like that too, eventually) but I'm really completely uninterested right now. He still has the necklace I made him...

The story was, I made him a necklace (like one of the hemp twisty knotted sort of one) and I was going to give it to him. But then we went to the mall and I got upset because he said he was going to be leaving in February (at the time that's when he thought he was getting out) and I was upset because I didn't want another person to leave me.... It was awkward for a little while as we walked around, we got in his truck on a rainy day like today and he said he was gonna take a nap and we were arguing over what we were going to do next. I wasn't going to give him the necklace... he was being grumpy and indecisive and frustrating. But after a while I took his hand and put the necklace in his hand (he was pretending to sleep) and closed his hand around it. He took his hand back and secretly looked at the necklace and then looked at me. He said he liked it and he was trying to hide that he liked it. He had trouble faking the grumpiness after that. He genuinely liked it. And he says he still has it hanging up in his room =]

I want something of his, or something made by him, to take with me everywhere I go. I realize I may have more feelings for him than I thought. I try to suppress my feelings, the affectionate feelings that make me feel attached to people. But Being away from him, the words he has said to me, I think it's true what I now believe i feel for him. GMW

Bloggingbrit will not be happy.

P.s. I feel great that I no longer have that "teen" word attached to the end of my name, but I'm sad that the waiter and the (embarrassing) Italian opera singer that sings for birthdays thought I was 15 or 16... Why do I look so much younger than my age?! It's unbelievably frustrating.

Two Songs

Two songs I haven't been able to get out of my head. The first has an amazing video someone made to go with the song. The second was the song played at the end of Twilight when Bella and Edward are dancing together at prom =]

Let Me Sign - Rob Pattinson



Flightless Bird/American Mouth - Iron & Wine

Employment

It's been well over a month since my last post (if we ignore the 'test' post of my cat, now deleted (the post, not the cat)), and a lot has happened. The main thing being I got a job!

I'm now working in another call centre. This time I'm actually on the telephones. It's odd that I've managed to avoid telephones during the last 5 years of me working in call centres, but prior to that I have had 6 years of telephone based call centre work, so I have plenty of experience.

There was a two week training session which I've just completed, and that is followed by a week of watching someone else work, then after that I do 'proper' work. Sometime in the near future I hope to progress and do some techie stuff on the phones, and after that, who knows, maybe more non-phone work!

Hope you got all that.

Finally Heard His Voice Again

I tried on some standard military issued glasses today, prescription ones both clear and tinted (two separate pairs) and my friend who had them kept wearing them and he looked so funny haha. I took some pictures.

Also, my Jacob called me today because I was texting him and he said he was going to a cabin and would lose cell reception up there, so he called and left me a short little voicemail saying hi and he missed me and he would be back on Sunday so he could talk to me then =]

I saved the message. It's been a while since I heard his voice. I miss him so much. Part of me feels like he never left, because we still text like we used to, except there are a lot of "I miss you" messages exchanged and him saying he misses our team (he still refers to it as "our" team even though he doesn't play on it anymore since he moved). So the texting is basically the same, but it's hard not being able to see him and throw my arms around him and climb on his back, or to have him point to his cheek and lean his face towards me, requesting kisses. Or him singing to me in the car. Or what he did which I found really adorable is whenever we would lay together (just cuddling) he would always lift the bottom of our shirts a little so our skin was touching. Like we watched a movie once and I was laying on top of his back while he lied on the couch on his stomach, and he lifted up the back of his shirt and the front of mine a little so my bare skin was against his. It was comforting I think to feel that a little bit, and I miss it now.

Why am I saying all this? I don't know. I don't hate thinking about him, I love thinking about him, he makes me happy. And I don't mind being sad, because it's a different kind of sad than I've felt with boyfriends dumping me. Jacob left with us on a good note. He told me last night he wants to come fly back out already, but he can't afford it yet. Possibly spring break or summer though. Funny thing is, when people used to asked me where I wanted to transfer to after 2 years at this college I'm at now, I said "somewhere cold, with hockey, like Minnesota" and now I have a reason to go there. I wish I could at least see him once a month, or just for my birthday!! I'd be so happy. Heyyy!! Maybe we can plan on seeing Eclipse (3rd book from the Twilight Saga) when it comes out in June =] Make it a little tradition now to see all the Twilight movies together. He is my Jacob after all. Except if I were Bella, I'd probably pick Jacob, not Edward.

My Jacob really was pretty cool. He had adorable quirks, and now he's gone I find I have inherited some of his quirkiness into me, probably because it reminds me of him and makes me happy. Just little expressions he always used, the way he says certain things. I am exhibiting some of his personality traits now, but just the little things. I keep a picture of him in my car on my dashboard (don't worry, it's not obstructing any important gauges, just the gas gauge, but I have a setting on my ODO/TRIP thingy that says how many miles of gas I have left. Actually easier to keep track of than the gas gauge itself!!) so I can have something pleasant to look at when I'm driving and stuck in traffic.

ALRIGHT!! I'LL SHUT UP!! I'm sure Bloggingbrit is angry by now if he has even gotten this far. He doesn't like it when I ramble on like that.. Sorry!!

Oh final note... Jack Johnson was interviewed in the Olympic Opening Ceremonies!! He is the Men's Team U.S.A. Olympic Hockey Team representative!! I love you JMFJ!! Haha.

Not to mention I had an oddly comforting dream about Ryan Miller (hopefully our starting goalie for Team USA's hockey team) and Rob Pattinson (not together in the same dream, but right after one another). I can't remember all the details now, but I know I woke up feeling warm and happy inside. It was comforting.

Neat Video, Inside a Cell

I had my two early classes this morning and my Biology professor showed the class this video. It's pretty cool and I like the music in it. Like he said, if after you watch this you still DON'T want to be a cell biologist, there's something wrong with you haha. Check it out, it's pretty awesome (though I am a science nerd so my opinion is of course biased =])

Dunno

Alright it's been a while since I posted. Over a week. I've been sad dealing with not having my Jacob around.

I got to talk to Bloggingbrit today... well he mumbled and I apparently shouted (though I wasn't really shouting) and I forgot how much he sounds like a speedway guy I know. I was giggling. Oh yeah I have to remember to call him at 10:30 to make sure he is up... that is if I'm still up haha. I should be.

Anyway, that's my small little post. I don't know how long the cat picture would have been up there if I didn't post =P