Update

The second most recent post I wrote here (over 18 months ago) was about my new job. Unfortunately yesterday was my last day doing that particular job. I still work for the same company (well, only just, but that's a whole different story) but I'll be doing a completely different role which requires a further 4 weeks of training.

I see Blogger has changed a bit since I was last here. It is certainly different. I can't tell if it is better just yet. I usually like unfussy layouts so I'm liking it so far.

Heartbreak Hotel

Dewi is very good at showing me things I don't want to see, and telling me things I don't want to hear. She did it again yesterday and it hurt.

It's been a while

It's been too long. I haven't forgotten about this. Dealing with losing many friends this year due to the military and moving around. I still communicate with them but I know I'm losing one more next month and I hope no more. I can't handle anymore. Ever since my "brother" moved not even a month ago I have dreams about him at least twice a week. It makes me miss him. I also have dreams about my other friend who has been gone for, wow, almost 3 months. We have stayed up late at night sometimes (even later for him on the east coast) and talked, he confessed to some things he had been feeling and reasons for why he did what he did and it shocked me, and unfortunately made me miss him more because it turned out he cared a lot more than I thought. Ughh.

So trying to save money, trying to get tan this summer. Yeah......

Exciting Easter!!

I had a fantastic Easter this year. It was very exciting. I got up at 5am to go to church with my friend (a date I guess you could say) at 8am. After we went to a park with some art and museums and stuff, which they have a new exhibit with dinosaurs so we went into one museum and took a look around. We got lost on the way to lunch because he couldn't find his way out of a ghetto neighborhood (while driving my car) but eventually got there. We ate, yum, and then went down to a monument by his base (sort of) which is on the beach, well, the cliffs that meet the ocean anyway.

We spent at least 2 hours or more wandering around and taking a ton of pictures on the cliffs, he has a really nice camera. When we got back to my car I had a bunch of texts and voicemails from my mom saying there was a 6.8 earthquake in Mexicali, in Baja California. We could just about literally see Mexico from the cliffs we were on, so we were closer than any of our family, but they felt it all the way up in LA and it was strong. Weird how we didn't feel it.

We drove around a bit, I got carsick a little so we stopped to get me some crackers and to walk around. Then we went to see a movie and he counted I think 5 aftershocks we finally felt from the big earthquake. The aftershocks themselves could be categorized as mini-earthquakes. One rocked the theater good enough for me to grab his arm and cuddle up close to him to feel protected haha. Ended the night with breakfast and a pancake house.

66% Missing

66% of my friends have left me. It's sad. I've been extremely close to all of them. I only have 1 left. And he moves the first day of June. I feel like little pieces of me are getting ripped apart and scattered across the country. I now have the ability (and will probably have the ability for a long time) to burst into tears at any moment. It'll be even worse when my last friend leaves, I've know him the longest. At least I know he might come back. I know he will always stay in contact with me. And unfortunately. I'm not sure what to feel or how to feel. I just don't like how I feel right now. I met someone who makes me feel better when I'm with him. But not when I'm away from him. I'm sort of numb. It's going to take a while to get back into things I guess. I don't know what the point of this post is. Sorry.

Stupid Spring

The weather here is going crazy. Hot, cold, hot, cold. It's spring now too and I thought my allergies were acting up (but I never have allergies!!) and now its a full-blown cold. Ughh, I am the worst sick person ever. I suck at being sick. It's the biggest annoyance in the world.

Our lab today included a 90 minute incubation period where we had absolutely nothing to do so the professor let us all go get lunch. I ran into a a few friends, my lab partner and I went down to the cafeteria together. My firing range friend was there, it was so good to see him. Technically he saw me first and my eyes just lit up and I smiled and hugged him. It had been a long time. The three of us (me, the firing range friend, and my lab partner) ate together, and then we went back to lab and finished.

I have work today, not fun when you're sick. I'm gonna use up the second half of that roll of toilet paper I started on Friday. I need to do something that involves keeping my head up though, when I look down my nose starts to run =/

Sunday should be an adventure. I'm going to the place where my high school was named after. I've lived here for 17 years and I have yet to see it.

Not Much to Say

I figured I might as well post. It's been a while. Stressful week but not as bad as the other week. Planning on seeing Shutter Island on Thursday evening, I've heard mixed reviews, I guess I'll find out. It was extremely windy today, it was fun, though I didn't really get to be out in it very much. I honestly do not have a lot to say right now. I'm kind of feeling indifferent about a lot of things. I'll just say goodnight. Goodnight

3 Important People for Life

So after what I account to be one of the worst (if not the worst) weeks of my life. Computer broke and had to get a new one. Too much homework to keep up with. Late shift at work. Little sleep. And my Jacob telling me he has to "let me go" because he thinks I'm seeing my ex again because I had called him (my ex) and he won't listen when I say it's only because I need to get my things back that he had. Oh and not to mention a dentist appointment where they said I need a filling, what a surprise. Honestly I don't know how many teeth I have left to even fill....

Then last night things started to change a little. My dad bought me a new laptop which I have a year and a half to pay him interest free. We went to my favorite restaurant for dinner. This morning I woke up dark and early (the sun wasn't up yet so it couldn't have been bright and early) to play some pickup hockey and I played against my NEW (yet I think he has always been) favorite Marine =]

Most of the time we spent harassing each other, hitting and light checking. We were all having some fun. I didn't like it though when my ex was there on my team and I was on the ice with him and my brother (who is my favorite Marine, Bloggingbrit would understand) and I look over at my ex just in time to see him chest-to-chest pushing and shoving my brother. I stopped on the ice and just watched at my brother, who is bigger than my ex, stand there and just fend off my ex while my ex still tried to sort of tackle him. He said that my brother elbowed him but it clearly did not look like that to me.

After pickup my brother caught me and checked me (he was still in full gear, I was already dressed out) into the outside of the boards and glass and held me there. My entire body (including my face) was smooshed against the glass while he held me there. It's become a routine now every time he sees me he has to playfully check me into the glass and hold me there.

A little while later at the rink, the 16AAA travel hockey teams were there playing and one game was with the Jr. Kings. I was standing around watching all the parents and coaches when one guy stuck out from all the rest. It was Kopitar's dad!! I had forgotten that he coaches the Jr. Kings and I saw him right there, in my rink!! I was in shock and I still am.

I've decided that out of everyone I know, there are only 3 people that I really care about, that I always love getting attention from. They are supportive and want me to do well, and have always been there for me. These are the guys I really believe I can love and not worry about my heart being broken. No matter how often I see them, whether it be weekly, annually, or even never, They are people I really look up to. They are what I really want from a guy eventually. They are really great guys, and for whatever girl they have or will end up with, they have/are getting one of the best guys in the world.

One of these guys is my cousin, he is cool and I can easily say he is my favorite family member. But I rarely get to see him. Once a year if I'm lucky.

The other is who I consider my brother. He is always doing really nice things for his wife, he is so caring and loving. He doesn't gamble, and he doesn't drink. I get to see him every week for the past year and a half until sometime this summer when he is being re-stationed. I'll miss him so much. He is encouraging and playful with me, and no one else could ever be like him, or his family =] He gives me all the physical attention I need each week in a brotherly type of way. Yes I have a crush on him, and I'm pretty sure he knows that, which might partially be why he is a little attached to me as well. He knows I have a little crush and he probably things it's cute.

The third one I'm afraid I'll never get to meet. No matter how mad I can make him sometimes (by accident, I don't mean to upset him), he never threatens to leave me (except once!! grrr) and I fell like I can tell him anything and everything (which is sometimes why I make him mad). He shares this blog with me =]

Final note, it's getting very very dark and cloudy here, the wind is whipping, and the storm is coming. I like it when it rains. My week is turning around finally and the only people that have enough influence over me to make me happy even if its for a little section of time are the people I've mentioned above. I love these guys. And I'm glad to know them. I'm very proud to have them. I don't think I'd be where I am today without them

20

I never thought it'd be this hard when my Jacob moved. It seems like as time goes by I miss him more and it's not going away. I talk to him daily, at least a Hello or something. I find myself thinking about him a lot. I find no interest in any other guys, my mom thinks I should find a nice guy that's not a Marine (I'd like that too, eventually) but I'm really completely uninterested right now. He still has the necklace I made him...

The story was, I made him a necklace (like one of the hemp twisty knotted sort of one) and I was going to give it to him. But then we went to the mall and I got upset because he said he was going to be leaving in February (at the time that's when he thought he was getting out) and I was upset because I didn't want another person to leave me.... It was awkward for a little while as we walked around, we got in his truck on a rainy day like today and he said he was gonna take a nap and we were arguing over what we were going to do next. I wasn't going to give him the necklace... he was being grumpy and indecisive and frustrating. But after a while I took his hand and put the necklace in his hand (he was pretending to sleep) and closed his hand around it. He took his hand back and secretly looked at the necklace and then looked at me. He said he liked it and he was trying to hide that he liked it. He had trouble faking the grumpiness after that. He genuinely liked it. And he says he still has it hanging up in his room =]

I want something of his, or something made by him, to take with me everywhere I go. I realize I may have more feelings for him than I thought. I try to suppress my feelings, the affectionate feelings that make me feel attached to people. But Being away from him, the words he has said to me, I think it's true what I now believe i feel for him. GMW

Bloggingbrit will not be happy.

P.s. I feel great that I no longer have that "teen" word attached to the end of my name, but I'm sad that the waiter and the (embarrassing) Italian opera singer that sings for birthdays thought I was 15 or 16... Why do I look so much younger than my age?! It's unbelievably frustrating.

Two Songs

Two songs I haven't been able to get out of my head. The first has an amazing video someone made to go with the song. The second was the song played at the end of Twilight when Bella and Edward are dancing together at prom =]

Let Me Sign - Rob Pattinson



Flightless Bird/American Mouth - Iron & Wine